Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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