is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
