first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
