I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
