It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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