First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
