i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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