dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
