my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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