i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
