a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
