sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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