Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
