nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Randomize
