No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
