Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
And then he peed in my hair
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