in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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