Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
