so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
