Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
