I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
