WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
