Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
