weddingsv make me drug and hornr
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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