he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
