My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I want her autograph on my taint
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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