He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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