for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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