last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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