I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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