Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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