Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
FUCK WHALES
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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