my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
