Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
