I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
