we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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