Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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