I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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