I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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