yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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