Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
