the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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