do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I AM VODKA MAN
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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