he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He passed out mid-signature
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
