Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
