tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
