I just cut my nipple shaving
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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