I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Randomize
