Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I fill condoms, not promises.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
