he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
